i just finished this book, and it's the first one i've gotten through in a long time. it basically shows that most young women, or women in general, are feminists whether they'll admit it or not. the author, valenti, shows how messed up the world is for women in regards to sex, repro rights, politics, pop culture, men, and so forth. i usually dog-ear pages in books that i like, and there were quite a few in this one. here goes:
"as it stands now, the government is spending $178 million a year to tell women they're big whores if they give it up, and various other untruths. most (80 frigging percent) abstinence-only education programs give out false information about sex."
--scary!
"feminism tells you it's okay to make decisions about your sexuality for yourself. because when it comes down to it, what's more powerful and important than being able to do what you want with your body without fear of being shamed or punished?"
--agreed! if there's anything i feel that valenti really pushes, it's that young women have their right to make decisions taken away. their parents assume they can't make smart decisions about their bodies. essentially, feminism is about having the information and making your own decision.
on rape and victim-blaming: "a writer for the wall street journal, naomi schaefer riley, wrote a piece on the rape and murder of new york college student imette st. guillen. riley wrote that the student 'was last seen in a bar, alone and drinking at 3 am,' and that 'a twenty-four-year-old woman should know better.' i guess guillen wasn't aware of the woman-only curfew and alcohol prohibition."
--so true! women shouldn't have to constantly be on guard (although we are, which valenti also talks about) to not be raped. just because someone goes out for a drink does not mean she is asking to be raped. it's not just a woman's job to stop rape--it's men's jobs, too.
"women (and men) have to know that there is nothing you can do that warrants being raped. nothing. i don't care if you're a naked, drunk, passed-out prostitute."
--there's really no way to elaborate on this one. it's such a great point in itself.
on marriage: "and marriage is still being positioned as the 'natural' thing people (women, especially) should want to do. we should want to get married and have the wedding; we should have been planning this since we were little girls and playing 'bride' with pillowcases over our heads like veils. and if it never really occurred to us to get married, well, clearrly something is amiss."
--indeed. i love those couples in the spotlight that are just perfectly happy not being married but being with a long-time bf or gf. like johnny depp (although he recently announced his engagement to whats-her-face...hmm). but it is so frustrating when people just naturally expect something of you. one of my pet peeves.
"for the life of me, i will never understand why a woman today would change her last name. it makes no sense whatsoever. you want future kids to have the same last name as you and your hubby? hyphenate, bitch! or do something, anything, but change your last name...it epitomizes the idea that you are not your own person."
--this, too, is just kind of something women are expected to do: when you get married, you take your husband's name. i like her point, although i don't know if i generally agree with it. i totally see where she's going with this one, maybe i'm just a little too old-fashioned.
"women are supposed to want to have babies. it's our 'natural' inclination. several of my friends...decided a while ago that kids just aren't for them. but whenever they express that sentiment to anyone in their lives, the reactions are insane. they're generally pooh-poohed with an, 'oh you'll change your mind,' or just incredulousness that anyone would decide not to have kids. (never mind that men who don't have kids are just charming bachelors.) it forever bugs them that despite the fact that they've made an informed decision that's right for them, they're constantly being judged for it."
--puh-lease, don't even get me started on kids. but i agree entirely.
"nearly one in five moms said she felt less valued by society since becoming a mother."
-- :( i hope my mom doesn't feel that way.
"the new cool is this 'bros over hos' mentality that seems to be inundating our culture. just think of all the commercials in which perpetual boyhood is the ultimate...and girlfriends and wives are annoying, nagging, distractions from fun."
--i think i'm too young to know how the 'ultimate manhood' used to be portrayed--great family, house, etc etc. this is all i've ever been exposed to, and it's strange because not only do i buy into it all the time, but i expect that my bf buys into it, too. which he doesn't, thankfully. i think this is because he is european (honestly). different kinda guys over there... :P
on war: "'the use of rape as a weapon of war is perhaps the most notorious and brutal way in which conflict impacts on women.'"
--usually, we think of men as the ones fighting in wars, but women are affected just the same. this kind of punishment is just awful. suggested read: eve ensler's necessary targets.
on politics: "party quotas are voluntary; political parties guarantee that a certain percentage of women will be selected as election candidates. political parties in austria, finland, germany, iceland, mozambique, norway, sweden, and south africa use this system."
--i love it! we should totally use party quotas. the fact is, it is so unbelievably hard for women to climb up the ladder in politics. sure, you're kind of handing them positions, but only qualified women would take the seats, duh. i mean, how great would that be? more women in politics, better women's rights, more role models...such an awesome idea.
the book is fantastic, i think everyone should read it, guy or girl. it gives so many fantastic statistics that really show you how messed up the world is for women. and even better, it tells you what you can do about, small and big things. read it!
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